#TellUsHowYouReallyFeel … Venting vs Gossiping, Is There A Difference?
What do you term gossip? Do you think, that if you pass something on spoken to you in a private conversation, and it’s true, that it isn’t gossip? Or, is passing something on, regardless of truth or embellishment, gossip?
I had a rather, in my perspective, bizarre incident happen this past week. I belong to a singles social club, that does a lot of different social activities. Some activities I like and participate, and many I don’t. I don’t feel I owe anyone an explanation for those functions I don’t attend.
An incident happened in the club, that pissed me off. It was my issue, and only my issue, but, unfortunately, I vented to another person. The other person actually was the instigator of the subject, at which time I vented. She not only listened, but egged me on with agreements and her own perceptions. Now, part of my vent was the fact that there are couples in the club, and sometimes it feels like a couples club, rather than a singles. That being said, the couples are the ones that organize everything, and, as I don’t go to a lot of things, I really have no room to complain. It had nothing to do with any one person, it had simply to do with my perception of the club, and it was not really an accurate perception. I was pissed off over something, and said some things that came from being pissed off. But, like I said, it was a vent and that was it. Done.
Ahhh… not so. A week later I get an email from one of the organizers. A man who I have a lot of respect for and like, who, happens to be part of a couple. He was quite upset at what had been relayed to him. Blah, blah, blah. I admitted that I had vented, that it was my issue, and apologized and told him, yes I should have said something to him, but, in my opinion, once I’d vented it was done. It wasn’t a big deal. It was my issue and only my issue.
So the gossip – er – woman that had told tales, went to breakfast yesterday. Now, she had bought my bike last week, and had phoned a couple of times during the week to get it. After I’d found out that she’d passed on something said to her in confidence, I was too angry to talk to her. I didn’t bother returning her two phone calls.
I was already at breakfast, having gone there directly from a walk first thing. She came in and said loudly at me, well did you get my 800 phone calls? Excuse me? There were two. I said, yes, and I would talk to her afterwards. End of discussion.
So, I sat next to the man I respect and his g/f at b’fast, and she gave me her perspective on things, and I acknowledged them and said, yes, I should have said what I had to say directly to the person. But, I said, I vented. That was it. It didn’t have to do with anyone in particular, and once I’d had my say, it was done. It was a private conversation. Period. Oh, but wouldn’t I want to know if someone said something about me? I said, no, I would not. I don’t care.
Well, wouldn’t you know, right after breakfast, the g/f gets up and runs out to the car, and her gossip friend, goes out, to find out what I’ve said. So I leave, and the gossip asks what my issue is. I tell her. It was a private conversation, and I didn’t expect it to be shared. I told her she was a gossip. Oh, she says, but I don’t feel I did anything wrong. It wasn’t gossip, it was true. I see, I said. So should I go and tell two other people how you hate them, but it isn’t gossip, because it’s true?
She doesn’t and wouldn’t get it. My feeling is, she’s a perpetual victim. She curries favor with some by telling stories about other people. She’s a gossip, plain and simple. The funny thing is, I’ve heard a lot about different people in the past two years, and I keep it to myself. Mainly because I don’t care. It’s not my problem, and I have no interest in passing private conversations on.
I don’t care if they’re true or not. Gossip is gossip. It’s relaying information that was said to you in private. And, in my conversation with the parties, involved, painting oneself as an innocent, and embellishing the tale.
The bike she bought? She wanted to know if I’d brought it to the restaurant. Uh – no. I didn’t know you’d be there and I’m not a delivery service. Well, when can I get it? Right now. I drove home, put the bike outside the garage and left it for her. She has to figure out a way to get it into and out of her own car eventually, and after not even owning up to passing on a private conversation, I have no intention of helping her with anything.
I have no doubt, that that too has gone back to the members of the club. In fact, I have no doubt that whatever I say and do will be their form of entertainment and subject of discussion.
With two businesses, I have little time for a social life. I have no time for gossip and high school antics of who likes who best or who’s part of the clique and who isn’t. I have no time or interest in who’s doing what to whom. I go to functions to have fun. Period.
I have no interest in a gossip-monger. And imo, that is exactly what she is. Ethically, she should have kept the private conversation to herself. It didn’t affect anyone, and it was simply a vent. Now, it has become a big deal.
Am I pissed off? Yes. At myself for getting sucked into saying something that I shouldn’t have, because she started the conversation, and for trusting someone that had not earned, and definitely does not deserve, my trust. Or my respect.
Oh yeah, that’s another thing she said, that she was my friend. I said, nope, you’re no friend of mine. My friends don’t gossip and tell tales.
But, what’s done is done. The moral of the story, be careful who you vent to. Just because someone comes across as innocent, doesn’t mean they are.
And beware, anyone who gossips to you, will gossip about you.
Shoutout to KilaK for submitted this weeks’ topic!!! Submit YOUR topic to firstname.lastname@example.org to be considered for #TUHYRF…